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John will be leaving tonight for australia. I chose not to take him to the airport. I just couldn’t bare the sight of him going in the airport…without me. I know, it’s just going to be 2 months, but still, the thought of him not being around for sixty days is simply unbearable.

John just called me approximately 3 minutes ago to let me know that he’s already in the departure area. I tried to sound as composed as i can be, since I know he doesn’t want me crying. For a while I thought I was okay. I already stopped crying for a few hours since I last talked to him this morning. But just hearing his voice made me cry…a lot. Trying to sound as great as I can be (for him) is killing me deep down. We’ve never been apart for more than 3 weeks, which is why I feel this way. Aside from the fact that I’ll miss him like hell, I’m really not good when it comes to “goodbyes”. I know he’ll be back, and 2 months seems like a short time for other people. But for me, every second away from him is like hell. I love him so much that it hurts.

This past week was very special for me. We were together the whole week. We watched 2 movies, ate a lot, heck, we even went to Pio’s Chubby Mommy’s to eat isaw. We had so much fun! we usually weren’t like that. Most of the time we’d be tamad to go out, even tamad to call each other, since we knew that we were “just there” for each other.  and you know what, that makes me cry too. I got used to the idea that he was always “just there” and that I could see and talk to him anytime I want, same for hiim too. But for two months everything will be so different, I don’t know how to handle it.

I miss him already..considering that he’s still in the Philippines. I’ll really miss him a lot. that i’m sure of. It’s not only the routine of texting him goodmorning and goodnight that i’ll miss, but his mere presence I’ll surely miss. 2 months of not seeing him in person, 2 months of no hugs, kisses, and laughs with him will be so difficult..

Yesterday when we were together, I prayed that the day would just go on forever, that it would never end..Everything was so perfect that i didn’t think he would go. But time went on so fast..

Tomorrow will be the first day without him…it doesn’t feel the same. I feel empty deep down. I feel terrible, and yes, I feel sad..very. I’m trying to be as strong as I can be. My friends always said that I was the tough one. Thin, but tough. As cez mentioned before, it’s not like me to cry buckets of tears for a guy. But this is so different. It’s John. and he’s not just any other guy. I love him so much that words can’t express how i feel for him. I don’t even know how to show it. i love him. period.

I’d like to think that this is God’s test. we’ve been together for three years and five months now, and yes, we’ve had our share of ups and downs; but we’re still together. “How you handle conflict/s while you’re not together will define your relationship.” (gail) And i know Gail’s right. Eveyrthing has a purpose. and this test was given to us for a purpose. I just hope that after 2 months, everything will be much better…a lot better…